Man Sues Google for $500 Billion

Man Sues Google for $500 Billion

By Billy Moffat (19/08/2011)

619 words

Tagged: america, litigatio, lolwut, news, technology

How do you spend your free time? Do you spend time with friends, go jogging, write a blog, play spider solitaire, or do you try to find loopholes in a legal system you don't know anything about to make multi-national companies pay you hundreds of billions of dollars? If you are one of the people who answered yes to that last one, you might just be the topic of this news report.

David Stebbins has tried to convince the court system multiple times that multiple companies owe him ridiculously large sums of money. He's previously claimed Walmart owed him $600 billion (that's not a typo, billion with a 'b'), using rather odd arguments surrounding contracts he posted on his website. After Walmart ignored him for being an idiot, he declared that they owed him damages amounting to 10x the net worth of the richest man on earth.

Now the great legal mind of our generation is turning his sights on tech giant Google, who appear to be getting out of this lightly with a mere $500 billion claim.

Stebbins begins his motion by explaining to the court that it lacks the authority to deny his motion and that not only is he correct, but anybody who stands in his way of half a trillion dollars is breaking the law. He continues with his legal argument:

[YouTube's terms of service] state that the terms can be unilaterally modified at any time. If the other party does not wish to accept the new terms, they may sever the contractual relationship. ... On March 22, 2011, I took YouTube up on that generous offer and sent them an email announcing my own modifications of the Youtube terms of service. - David Stebbin's court filing

With that curious set-up brought the punchline to his ~~joke~~ legal argument.

If you even so much as attempt to litigate a case with me, even if that attempt is unsuccessful you automatically loose that case. [side note: yes, he actually said "loose"] ... If you do not accept my invitation to arbitrate within 24 hours of receiving it, I automatically win the relief request, regardless of the merits. No actual arbitration award need be entered; I simply win, automatically, without having to go to arbitration. However, this will only apply to me. If you attempt to arbitrate with me, and I do not accept it, you must obtain an order to compel arbitration. - David Stebbin's punch-line

So there we go. He claimed that YouTube accepted his contract by not cancelling his account, and then by failing to respond to his arbitration request must submit to any and all arbitration that he puts forward against YouTube. Therefore, the court has no legal choice but to agree to order Google Inc. to pay Stebbins the sum of $500 billion. Check, and mate.

The only problems of course are that when YouTube says the terms can be "unilaterally modified", that means YouTube can change the terms, but not the consumer. Also, his misspelling with "loose" would be enough to have the case thrown out. Lastly, even if this were a legal loophole, the court has the authority to dismiss cases that it deems to be wasting its time. Unless he sought to go up the chain to courts with higher authority and managed to find a judge that would hear it (which would be more or less impossible) then maybe he should try buying a lottery ticket - he might have a better chance of winning something. Or instead, maybe getting a day job.

Hey... I hear Walmart is hiring. Oh wait...

UPDATE: You can find a copy of the full court filing here.

Author - Billy Moffat

Owner and sole developer of Meercat9.com, he attends university full time but has a passionate addiction to the internet, particularly programming. Due to the lack of other developers for the site, he is often forced to write about himself in the third person.